Delicate American asses

The timber sale up at the deer camp seems to be stalled. Pulp prices are depressed and the loggers must be reading the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, which remind us daily just how damn tough things really are. When I read the toilet paper article in the former of those fine, polar opposite publications, I was puzzled as to why pulp prices were down, since we wimpy Americans insist on soft toilet tissue made from virgin pulp to wipe our delicate behinds.

I admit that I never knew we used virgin pulp to make toilet paper, and it's disturbing to me on a number of levels. When they ruthlessly chopped down the great white pine forests of the Great Lakes states in the latter 19th and early 20th century, the logs were mostly used for saw timber and built the majority of cities in the midwest including Minneapolis/St Paul, St Louis, and Chicago. My relatives on both the Scandanavian and Irish sides of the family assisted greatly in this large scale leveling of the forests in northern Wisconsin, working as loggers, sawmill workers, and lumber yard help. Logging practices have progressed significantly since then and clear cutting is generally only used when the owner wants the stand to regenerate as aspen. Or when a large conglomerate like Plum Creek, owner of over a quarter million acres of Wisconsin, clear cuts the stand, douses it with herbicide to make sure that none of the natural vegetation begins to grow, and plants row upon boring row of the fast growing but unappealing red pine. No matter how the timber is cut, it would be nice to believe that your wood is being used to construct homes, panel offices, or build decks, things that are permanent and contribute to our quality of life. The image of some fat slob wiping his ass with toilet paper made from my forest is not a comforting or fulfilling one. I can't imagine what the KingOfIronwoodIsland must think. The photo below is of his bowstand, formerly a secluded, secretive site, deep in the woods, where a number of deer have been missed and some harvested (including by yours truly, who stumbled across it and marked it on the gps). After the timber sale a person could drive a VW Passat to the stand and the lack of cover makes it look more like the crows nest on a ship than a deer stand. As a solid Yooper guy, he may become homicidal when he learns that his deer blind has been destroyed so that some yuppie can wipe his delicate ass with nice, soft, Charmin.

During the Brezhnev era I had the privelege of spending a few weeks in the Soviet Union. We were warned to bring lots of toilet paper because the stuff over there was like 120 grit sand paper. I ignored the advice and brought albums and blue jeans instead, the black market proceeds of which allowed me, a poor college student, to live like a king while I was there. The toilet paper just wasn't that bad; they have the same trees as we do and, biologically speaking, the same rear ends. Before the 'invention' of toilet paper people survived quite nicely with last years Sears catalog sitting in the outhouse. I still remember the novelty 'electric toilet paper' on the wall of my aunt and uncles outhouse near Chetek, WI, another homespun method of finishing your bidness.

Toughen up people! For gods sake lets not be such simpering, whining, wimps about everything, especially the lowly product that we wipe our butts with. “No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper,” said Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist and waste expert with the Natural Resource Defense Council. I agree with Dr Herhkowitz. Check out the Greenpeace guide to recycled toilet paper and give it a try. I certainly plan on it and may even issue a report on a future blog post. Unless there is popular outcry not to, of course. Seriously, give the recycled a try. I'm sure civilization as well as your behind will be the better for it.

Pulling in our horns?

Fat Tuesday began with a fine jazz concert at the VOR's place of employment, and moved to Grumpy's Bar with a five buck Guinness pint-keep the glass-pre St Pats promo. There was optimistic talk about the first Apostle Islands trip of the year in early April and the fact that last year's first campsite still had picnic table high snow on it. And I still got home in time to catch The Speech.

With massive federal dollars heading in all directions, its going to be tough to avoid 'drunken sailor in the whorehouse' spending no matter what anyone says. These are our dollars of course, or at least those of us on the 'producer' side of the equation. I joined the members of the audience who hooted in derision when President Obama stated that all earmarks had been removed from this bill. That being said, I think that more than a few cutbacks (best of luck on cutting those agricultural subsidies, origin of the term 'pork barrel') need to be made in addition to the deluge of federal manna from heaven. I read an interesting opinion piece in the St Paul paper about a couple of possible axe worthy programs that are administered by the National Park Service and it provoked some interesting discussion.

We apparently have NPS administered National River and Recreation Areas and the National Heritage Areas. I don't believe I've ever been to a National Heritage area but apparently I live in a National River and Recreation Area, the Mississippi NRRA. The main thing that always amazes me is the convoluted mish mash of overlapping jurisdictions on these things. Were I ever to get the nerve to execute my anti cliff jumping ban protest at St Croix Falls on the Wild and Scenic St Croix River, I could be arrested by any one of a number of agencies. NPS LE personnel, St Croix County sheriff, Chisago County sheriff, Taylors Falls city cops, St Croix Falls city cops, Minnesota State Patrol, Wisconsin State Patrol, or DNR personnel from Minnesota or Wisconsin. Somehow, that makes no sense and I'm from here! Imagine trying to explain this to a foreign visitor. My Irish cycling buddy, BobbyPaul from Cumbria, Northern England, was in the country on a cultural exchange a few years back. I was showing him northern Wisconsin sites like Madeline Island, the Reefer Creek deer camp, Apostle Islands sea caves, and Patsy's Bar in Washburn. One of the things that amazed him, along with attractive female bartenders and "bloody huge lorries", was that very same jurisdictional concept. As a proud member of the Cumbria Constabulary, he found it difficult to comprehend why we needed a half dozen agencies doing pretty much the same thing. The discussion was prompted as we drove through the soverign nation of Bad River and I told him that if he got pissed off and decided to punch me that he could be arrested by at least 7 or 8 different agencies.
In our very own Mississippi NRRA we have well over a dozen city, regional, and state parks and historical sites along the river. Coon Rapids dam, Islands of Peace, Boom Island, Historic Mills District, Ft Snelling State Park, Pike Island, HIdden Falls, and probably a dozen more I've forgotten. What value does the National Park Service add by making the area a NRRA? And who the hell is in charge of what? Rather than a bunch of signs proclaiming the Mississippi NRRA and a lovely visitors center in the science museum, I guess I'd rather see the couple million bucks (a small rounding error in the billions we're debating nationally) go to my buddies up in the Apostle Islands, Voyageurs, Isle Royale, or Pictured Rocks.

Read the article and let me know what you think; I would find it very interesting to hear some other opinions. And please contact your national elected officials and plead with them to let me jump off those cliffs in Interstate Park once again. I'll be careful, I promise!

Rolling and (ski) racing

Since I can't do anything that requires vigorous two legged mobility for a bit, I was forced to risk acute chlorine poisoning on Sunday morning. I loaded up the Q boat and headed over to the Brooklyn Center pool for the second and hopefully last time this season. I managed to hit a couple of rusty sweep rolls, angel rolls on both sides, a reverse sweep, and had a brief glimmer of what I need to do to hit a stick roll after recalling a luncheon conversation I had with Silbs several months back. It was kinda fun to get back in the boat and I even managed to rinse most of the toxic chlorine off my boat and gear using a plastic garbage pail and fresh water from the shower. By my guess we should be rolling in Lake Calhoun in a hair under 8 weeks, maybe less if spring cooperates a bit. Even though it was only 12F (-11C) the sun is getting higher in the sky and its warmth kept our fingers from freezing as we tied the boats on our car roofs. This same warmth and a couple inches of fresh snow made the American Birkebeiner up in Hayward a bit warmer and a bit slower than last year but it did not affect the drama of two neck and neck finishes in the race.

In the 50k freestyle women's division, Rebecca Dussalt of Gunnison, CO defeated Holly Brooks of Anchorage, AK by half a ski boot as they both dove across the line at the finish. A photo was needed to determine the winner of that race. In the men's 54k Classical race, the question of whether Norwegian cross country legend, Bjorn Daehlie, planned to treat this as an exhibition or not was answered on Main Street in Hayward. The scene was described best by the winner, Gus Kaeding, from Marquette, MI.........

“We were coming across the lake, and I’m sure, as anyone who has skied the Birkie knows, there are a lot of thoughts going through your head coming across the lake because there is nothing much else out there,” Kaeding said. “So about 1K to go, I looked around, and it was just me and Bjorn, and I said to myself, ‘Holy Cow! I’m leading Bjorn Daehlie.’

“And I bet you that Bjorn was not thinking, ‘Holy cow! I’m behind Gus Kaeding.’”

“Obviously, it was an honor, and Bjorn pushed me hard and with about 10 feet, I thought he had me, but I dug deep and found another gear.”

Kaeding wound up beating Daehlie by the razor thin margin of 1/10 of a second. I'm sure the reports will be rolling in fromfrom my friends and acquaintances that skied the race but the snow and weather looked to be excellent. It was everything I had expected it would be and it would have been great to have been there watching from my favorite viewing area, the front steps of the Anglers Bar. Maybe next year I can train and be in shape for the grueling a Prince Haakon 8k or even maybe the 23k Kortaloppet. I've got an entire kayak season ahead of me before I need to think about that; we shall see.

Pissed off in my Lazy Boy

Its about 9am on a beautiful morning after a nice 4" snowfall and the temperature is 19F (-7C). In other words, its probably the most perfect day of the winter to head out and get some kilometers in on the cross country ski trails. So why am I drinking coffee in my lounger, you ask? Because I tore up my GD, flocking ankle when I fell on the ice walking to my car after work last night.

Because I am a tall individual, 6'4", I have had a lot of experience with torn ligaments from playing sports where you have to leap into the air. The problem is not the leaping but always seems to arise with the coming down part. This time was completely different. I was strolling out to my car with visions of cask Two Hearted Ale dancing around my head, savoring the fact that it was Friday night and the next day RonO and I would be heading north to skate the Vasaloppet loops for several enjoyable kilometers. Snow was coming down and covered the patches of ice that the unseasonable warm spell had provided us with. My foot just went out from under me and when I attempted to recover I went down with my left anke folded under and my entire weight on it. There was a nice 'pop', a sound I'd heard before, and I knew I was screwed.

I am in the midst of Plan B as we speak. A large pot of coffee and the Canoecopia flyer have kept me occupied for a bit. I am listening to the Birkie broadcast on WOJB 88.9FM, the Anishnabe public radio station on the Lac Court Oteilles Rez, south of Hayward, WI. I'd like to hear how both the real and the pseudo Bjorn Daehlie(s) do in the race. This blog post took a solid 15 minutes. After that I'm lost. A person doesn't realize how active they are until they have their wings clipped. Beer consumption comes to mind but I need to wait until at least noon for propriety's sake.

I'm sure I'll think of something. There must be some home related task that I would be avoiding by heading north to ski. Meanwhile, Canoecopia looks really interesting this year. Even though I really don't need anything,other than a CLC foam seat for when I rip the inadequate Valley seat out of my Aquanaut, I'm sure I'm good to drop fifty bucks on some new, essential piece of gear that I really need. Just the cameraderie with fellow paddlers makes it worth price of admission. Meanwhile, I'm sure I'll think of something to keep me occupied for a few days. I just hope its something thats at least semi positive and productive.

The real Bjorn Daehlie's in Wisconsin

BjornDaehlieOfMahtomedi, my kayak, ski, and adult beverage buddy, is on his way to Cable, WI for the event that earned him his blog name, the American Birkebeiner ski race. He's been training to the point of swearing off those adult beverages we both love (I've gone out of my way to torment him about that) and I'm certain he will have a fine race with the fast conditions that are expected. Joining him and the thousands of skiers that will leave Telemark for the 53k trek to Hayward tomorrow will be the real Bjorn Daehlie, owner of 8 Olympic gold medals and forty plus world cup wins.

Daehlie is by far the biggest name ever to ski the Birkie. This is a guy who can't go to a restaurant in northern Europe without being besieged by autograph and photo seekers. The way he wound up in northern Wisconsin is not by the usual route. Daehlies mother suffers from MS and he made the acquaintance of Dr. Ian Duncan, a world class MS researcher and avid cross country skier thats works out of the University of Wisconsin in Madison. Dr. Duncan met Bjorn Daehlie and had the opportunity to ski with him. “It would be like playing golf with Tiger Woods or playing basketball with Michael Jordan,” Duncan said. “I was almost hyperventilating when I was skiing with him. It was such an incredible experience.” This connection resulted in Daehlie skiing the Birkie and the also having MS as the official race charity this year. Skiers that manage to raise $2,500 had the oppportunity to ski with him yesterday. He will also be raffling off his race skis tomorrow to raise additional money. Organizers expect over $50,000 to be raised for MS research.
This whole thing might sound like an exhibition ski or a training run. He may be 42 years old and retired but as a fellow Norwegian said, Bjorn Daehlie does not ski exhibitions. Even though he is complaining about his lack of training and saying he doesn't have any big goals, he also made a telling comment yesterday. "When I'm having a starter's bib on, I think I can't have a training trip". Most of my buddies skiing the race have entered the 50k skate race. When I asked them why they aren't in the 53k classic so they could 'get a piece' of Mr Daehlie, I've received no adequate responses. I had a similar opportunity many years ago when I was foolish enough to run road races. I happened to be entered in the same race as John Walker, the legendary New Zealand distance runner. I did have a goal however. The race was a 10k, 2 laps around a 5k lake. My goal was not to be lapped by Mr Walker and I was able to achieve it, although not by a large margin. On of my friends has a goal of finishing within an hour of Bjorn, an admirable and possibly achievable mark. As Dr. Duncan alluded , for me it would be hard not to enter that 53k Classic just to say you had skied with the best. I'd like to be able to say I played catch with Hank Aaron (screw that Bond's fellow) or took a skate with Gordie Howe. I will be an hour north of town tomorrow however, skiing the Vasaloppet loops with RonO. You can bet we will be checking the results when we get back however.

It will be a great race and a great party in Hayward as it always is. Having a great skier and a greater person like Bjorn Daehlie there can only be icing on the cake.