Middle east extremists and Asian carp - What to do?

There seems to be some interesting parallels in the Asian carps attempts to get into the Great Lakes via the Chicago River to wreak havoc and Muslim extremists attempts to get into the US to wreak havoc. We brought the carp here to fight the threat of weed choked lakes, never for a minute thinking what would happen when they got loose. We gave the forerunners of the Taliban training and weapons, including Stinger missiles to fight the threat of the Soviet Union, never for a minute thinking what would happen when they got loose. Unfortunately, both are loose and I fear our attempts to stop both types of vermin will be futile, since in both cases the 'cat' is well out of the bag.

My guess is that the carp are right now patiently waiting to see how the US Supreme Court rules on January 8 about closing the Chicago Canal that connects Lake Michigan with the Mississippi River system. Likewise, the terrorists are patiently waiting to see what equally effective underwear based detection scheme is being implemented to stop them. Carp of course, don't wear underwear or shoes, or carry dangerous half inch pocket knives to open aggravating packages or clean the dirt from beneath their fingernails. They will simply stow away in some guys bait bucket water or some cheap ass fisherman will seine some 'free minnows' from a river and dump the unused ones in Lake Michigan. I fear that sooner or later the terrorists will also get through the patchwork hodgepodge of 'security measures' and succeed in their brutal mission. The masthead of this blog sums it up in a nutshell - "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement".

I have to fly for work 2 or 3 times in January and I am already dreading it. Rather than producing and utilizing the explosive detection systems that are available and operational, our government has decided that I need to sit quietly in my seat, carry on luggage including magazines and Ipods stowed, and that I can't go take a piss for the last hour of the flight. If I was a prostate sufferer and my Flomax was in my stowed luggage, not being able to hit the john for an hour would be a bad experience for everyone around me on a number of levels. I think pregnant women would have the same reaction. I know first hand that explosive screening works. I'm not a guy that has sets of luggage for all occasions. My Duluth pack shell bag is a lovely little canvas and leather shoulder bag, was used for trap shooting, hunting, and as a carry on. That was until the explosive swab guys yanked me out of line at O'Hare after detecting powder residue. Since it was used to hold recently fired shotgun shells, I told them, it sure as hell should have some powder residue. They questioned why I would use such a bag and I told them that I had no idea they would be testing for that sort of thing since none of the airline security information ever mentioned that angle.

Like the French military from about 1870 on, our security apparatus seems to be looking backwards to prevent the threat that just occurred rather than forward to prevent the one that is about to occur. The Germans invade France in WWI, the French build the Maginot Line at huge expense and the Germans go right around it in WWII. Richard Reid tries to ignite his shoes and millions of us are taking our shoes off to get on the plane. Then the nut jobs come up with gel based explosives and they make us all use 3 oz containers stored in a zip lock bag. Now the exploding underwear. I guess I can see some advantages to us all taking off our underwear in the security line and putting it in the gray plastic tub but I'm sure our prudish social mores will prevent that from being implemented.

Get some sophisticated explosive screening and detection equipment in place (we apparently already have it), put up a weir and close the Chicago canal to the carp, and let me read a magazine, listen to some tunes, and take a piss on the airplane during the last hour of flight. Knee jerk and ineffective methods, designed to make the public think the government is doing something, are not the way to go. Both carp and terrorists need to be thwarted, contained, and with any luck eradicated. If we use our technology in combination with a well thought out plan and citizen involvement (in addition to burnt testicles ol' Umar took a bit of an ass kicking from his fellow passengers and I like that) I think we will be much better off. I just hope something gets in place before a disaster, on either the carp or terrorist front, occurs.

Beware - Snow snake season

Our annual 'Storm of the Century' was the usual bust. We got about 10' of snow in two separate events and zero wind or drifting. Total snowfall did not even equal half of the 20 plus inches that the breathless weather alarmists in the media were predicting. Thousands of people changed their Christmas plans based upon what the media was trumpeting about this piss ant storm and nothing really happened. My VW Jetta Sportwagon has a ground clearance of about ten millimeters and I never heard the bottom scrape once on snow, other than on the snowplow berm at the end of the driveway. The fact of the matter is that the last time we had a blizzard in the Minneapolis/St Paul area was the Halloween Blizzard of 1991. Duluth had a classic blizzard that pretty much buried Park Point in 2007 and GalwayGuy and I were up there, barely escaping the rampant cannibalism mentioned in the sign below. You can read about the real blizzards of the last 100 years here. One winter threat is real and active now however, and people would do well to be alert. Snow snakes have been spotted over most of the area since the recent snowfall.

I got my first cross country ski in Sunday afternoon at a local golf course that had been trackset in the aftermath of the 'Storm of the Century'. Due to the wide open fairways and greens that we were skiing over, being attacked by snow snakes was not much of a danger. Last weekend on Reefer Creek though, was a much different story. We spotted snow snakes coiled on a number of trees, ready to strike, and it was only by care and experience that we were able to successfully avoid them. Many can reach 12' to 15' long like the ones in the images.

The beasts can sense your presence from vibration. Any sort of loud noise or concussion will cause them to drop from their perch in the tree, usually on your head. Once you have been struck you need to act fast.You normally feel the concussion on the top of your head and then a cold, wet feeling at the back of your neck. Like certain species of bees, they can only get you once but that's not very comforting once you've been hit. The key to survival is to immediately remove the cold, white venom from your head, down your neck, and down the front of your jacket. If left in contact with your skin, this white substance will morph into a cold, clear liquid which can cause hypothermia if untreated.

Fortunately, this is a very treatable condition. Quick removal of affected clothing and brushing off the venom is usually all it takes. In more extreme cases where the venom has melted, a prescription of several doses of Bushmills Irish Whiskey can alleviate some of the more aggravating symptoms. The presence of these creatures is no reason to avoid enjoyment of the woods in winter though. Get out there and ski, snowshoe, hike, and have fun. Just be sure to remember to have your first aid kit with a flask of Bushmills tucked into the corner. It's cheap insurance in case you're attacked.

Winter comes to Cornie

Last Sunday found me in Cornucopia, WI to drop GalwayGuy and TheLegend off at Mass at St Ann's. My normal routine would be to make a beeline for the Village Inn to do a quality check on the South Shore Nut Brown Ale tap line, but the weather was just too inviting to head to the bar. Since many of us kayak up there in the summer and don't get to the northermost point of Wisconsin in the winter, I figured a Christmas Eve photo tour of the area might be the perfect post for a lazy blogger such as myself.

My first stop was at Meyers Beach, the main jumping off point for the mainland sea caves and the scene of a couple of fatal kayaking accidents in the past few years. It sounds like the real time wave observation system will be functional next season, giving folks a look at the conditions around the caves before venturing out. There weren't many waves to worry about last weekend and parking was ample since I was the only one there. It was plowed but a bit snowy.

The sea caves looked like their annual ice sculpture show was beginning but walking to the caves may be a few weeks off.

Eagle Island looked inviting off in the distance and it has a skein of ice around its shore as well.

I stopped like I always do at the artesian well on the east end of the harbor and park area.

Water flows year round from the well into the lake from the pipe in the foreground. Squaw Point,now called Mawikwe Point, is in the background.

The breakwater at the entrance to the harbor is right in line with the ice crusted motif of the rest of the lakeshore. The commercial guys are still fishing and were off loading an impressive catch of herring when I went past the docks.

The sailboats are all out of the water for the year. Only the commercial guys are still out in boats.

The old eastern rite church, onion domes and all, looks right at home in the snow.

After this latest blizzard that we are in the middle of right now, things will be downright wintry up in Cornucopia. The ice should freeze late January or early February for the walk to the caves and the empty parking lot will be full again. Ski and snowmobile trails should be set for the winter and before we know it spring will arrive and the Meyers Beach lot will be full of paddlers and hikers again.
In the meantime, have a merry Christmas and a productive and fun filled New Year.

An enjoyable five minutes at the mall

When people ask me if I'd like to go to the mall with them this time of year, I generally tell them I've scheduled outpatient surgery for a thrombosed hemorrhoid. With apologies to Frank Zappa, I'd much rather be 'buns up kneelin' than within five miles of any holiday shopping mall. Nonetheless the perfect storm of circumstances combined to drive me to the mall to replace my dead iPod at the Apple store.

The inevitable traffic snarl is the first of many aggravations. Waiting for the fat lady to carefully load 8 shopping bags into her trunk before plopping into the drivers seat and fixing her makeup so a person can park three stalls closer does not help the traffic situation, or my mental state, one bit. After parking in the very first spot I see, no matter if its 40 acres away from the door, I made a beeline for my destination like a guy in Mercedes blowing by Volkswagons and Fiats on the autobahn, trying to breathe shallowly to avoid inhaling the ever changing mall stench. Once at the store I figure my frustration and aggravation has only begun, with insolent, gum popping, high school aged clerks, checkout lines, and 'associates' who not only don't know the product they are selling but couldn't find their own ass with either hand. Imagine my surprise when that scenario didn't play out.

I went in armed and seeking battle. I had heard that Apple offered a 10% discount and recycling for dead iPods. I fully expected to hear the offer had expired at the start of the holiday season but the pleasant and knowledgeable young woman that met me at the door told me the offer was indeed still in place. She answered my 3 or 4 questions and volunteered that the new Ipods were more reliable because they did not have a spinning hard disk.I told her I was in and it took her less than a minute to walk back and grab me a new iPod Touch. As I eyed the long linesshopping she informed me that was the tech help line and that she could check me out where we stood. She pulled out a device about twice the size of a transistor radio (you now know just how old I am) and scanned my credit card. I was waiting for her to pull a receipt printer out of her pocket but she simply asked if it was OK to send the receipt to my email and automatically register me for the warranty. Hell yes! I thanked her, took a deep breath, and headed for my car as fast as I could walk, Apple bag containing new iPod clutched in my hand. I had spent right around 5 minutes in the store.

It was a good experience, maybe the only good experience I can recall having in a mall except for maybe the time my whole company was ejected from Gatlins Music Club in the Mall of America for disrupting a country line dance. Even the packaging for the iPod was well thought out and I didn't have to recreate the shower scene from Psycho trying to open some miserable clamshell. The package can also be used to store the device and cords rather than adding to the landfill. Good design all around.

The iPod worked flawlessly and TheLegend, GalwayGuy, and I listed to famous Big Top Chautauqua performer and deer camp member, Phillip Anich and other artists as we headed north. My five minutes spent in the mall this year was painless, productive, and efficient. Maybe I'll just cancel that hemorrhoid procedure for the time being.

A good weekend at camp

I'm still not sure how we all managed to pull this off, but five of us disengaged from the holiday madness and spend the weekend at the deer camp. Bow season is still open and there was some hunting and deer were seen, including a small buck and the usual doe and fawn families. The main reason for the trip however, was to show the camp to TheLegend, a guy who has been a connoisseur of fine deer camps for the better part of 60 years.

The weather was perfect, 20F and a foot of nice, fluffy powder on the ground. Reefer Creek was frozen for the most part, and there was only a breeze off the open Lake Superior rather than the normal bone chilling northwest wind. GalwayGuy, TheLegend, and I rolled in late morning on Saturday and were preceded by the KingOfIronwoodIsland. We were all happy we got there Saturday morning because Podman arrived Friday night to temperatures of 20F outside and 10F inside the camp. After a few hours of serious stoking of the pot belly stove, he had managed to get the temperature inside up to 45F and enjoyed supper in his snowmobile suit. The King brought his ATV and TheLegend and I took a tour of the property. We checked out the old logging camp, the dozer trail to the creek, the select cut, and the spot where we left the deer carcasses. It would appear from the tracks in the snow and whats left that everybody from the chickadees to the fisher are feeding off the bounty. We returned to camp and TheLegend browsed the ample camp library while GG and I stoked the sauna and snowhoed down the creek. We went through the ice 3 or 4 times but if we kept to the inside of the bends the water is very shallow. The video clip is of the look and sound of water running under the frozen ice and snow. Turn up the volume. We both think we needed to create a tape loop of the frozen creek to soothe the mind during the brain numbing routine of urban life. The boys returned from their blinds and happy hour began under the Humphrey propane lights. Fresh ears for the stories that we've all told and heard countless times made for a fine evening. We even heard a number of good stories from the old deer camp north of Mora, MN. A meal of fork tender venison backstraps combined with the smell of wood smoke and damp wool was a magical elixir for holiday induced stress. I had brought a bottle of Fat Bastard merlot to complement the venison but never even got a sip as the King, with some help from GG, drained it as I put the finishing touches on supper. I did notice that he was not up at the crack of dawn to head for his blind though, so he likely saved me from an equally slow start to the morning.

A final trip to camp for 2009 was just what the doctor ordered for all of us. I'm already thinking about the next visit when the ski trails are tracked and creek is frozen completely solid. The VoiceOfReason manged to get in 10k on Sunday and now I'm behind. I guess I can count my snowshoe hike as aerobic winter activity but it makes no difference. There is no place I would have rather been this weekend than up at camp with the crew.