Monkey butt?

I spent most of yesterday on the water and I did not have a paddle in my hand. That fact, along with the calendar indicating that it's the last weekend in June, meant that once again, for the 37th year in a row, I would be attending the Eau Claire River Float Trip.

In addition to getting older, many other things have changed with the float trip over the years. The river itself, which I first experienced as a Boy Scout in 1968, is constantly changing its channel, creating new islands, and turning existing islands into part of the mainland. As the masthead on the blog indicates, we have also become experienced as a result of bad judgement. No trucks have been rolled, no 2nd degree sunburn suffered, no dehydrated floaters, indecent exposure, or people unable to make it out of the river under their own power for the last several years. Its a fairly laid back, sometimes mildly risque event, and there is a core of people who look forward to the last Saturday in June for most of the month.


This is not to say the event is without problems. This year it was raining when I started my 100 mile drive eastward and I knew that the weather forecast of 70% chance of showers would chase away some of the wimpy, wussy, weak tit, fair weather floaters. You know who you are. Of course it was warm and sunny for most of the day and the one shower we did get lasted all of 10 minutes. You would think people would learn after 37 years but I guess bad judgement doesn't always result in experience.For the hundredth time I was stunned and shocked that the weather forecast was 180 degrees wrong. Another problem that has not yet been solved is supplying the floaters, drifting sedately down the river in their inner tubes, with an adult beverage when they require it. We have a canoe where all the small coolers and dry clothes are stored and the plan has always been for the canoe to be close to most of the tubers to replenish beverages. A monkey wrench has been thrown into this plan year after year by the occupants of the canoe, my sister (Help him you assholes!), and her partner in crime GuzziSuzy. They seem unable to focus on staying within a reasonable or sometimes even shouting distance of their customers. During planning discussions this knotty problem was brainstormed and it was suggested that a couple monkeys from the zoo would do better, be more trainable, and have a much friendlier disposition than the two incumbents. My sister, upon hearing the suggestion, remarked to "be sure to get the ones with the big red butts". She was certainly not talking about the kayaking condition that results from sweating in a neoprene Farmer John when the air is too warm and the water too cold to avoid wearing it.

A call to both the Como Park and Apple Valley Zoo revealed that renting monkeys was not part of their operational charter. So I decided to do the next best thing. When we got off the water from Oak Island a couple weeks back, the VOR pointed out the monkey store across from the restaurant we were eating at. A short walk produced two monkey visors. When I got home I went online and was once again amazed at what the internet could offer. I simply Googled 'monkey butt costumes' and they popped right up. We did wonder what the guys in the factory in China making monkey butts thought of we Americans but that was beside the point. Their outfits were complete and I explained to the ladies that a sun protectant for their delicate faces and a new wearable seat cushion for the canoe could only make the trip more comfortable. They were extremely grateful.

I'm sorry to report that they monkey costumes did nothing to alleviate the problem that inspired them. The women were still miles ahead, surly, unresponsive, and self absorbed for most of the trip. I suppose raising our own monkeys would be the logical solution but I hate to invest that sort of time and money for one day a year. I'm sure we'll think of something. In the interim, enjoy the clip of a young man attempting to get out of the river and up the bank. Note the monkey-like belly scratching. A possible candidate for next year??

Another Grumpy's religious experience

My local pub, Grumpys Northeast, tends to have some eclectic guests from time to time. The St Mary balalaika orchestra, the Minneapolis Police Pipe Band, and various other dignitaries have graced this classic tavern from time to time. Last night was one of the more interesting events when Grumpy's hosted Father Isaac from the Koningshoeven/LaTrappe monastery in Holland.

Father Isaac is on a tour to promote the 125th anniversary of the brewery and its Isid'or 125th Anniversary product. He had been a pediatric oncology nurse, a midwife, and had spent time doing charitable work in Africa before entering the priesthood. The monastery is constructing a monastery/hospital in Uganda and most of the brewery proceeds are going to that cause. I don't recall ever drinking beer for charity before, but the lineup he brought could cause me to increase my 'charitable contributions' exponentially. As you can see from the image, Father Isaac seems very much at home bellied up to the bar, discussing his fine product with the regulars. The VOR and I tasted the Isid'or (samples only at this time), split a Dubbel (abv 7%), quaffed more than one Witte (abv 5.5%), and wisely avoided the Quadrupel (abv 10%). Grumpy's owner, PatD, made grilled cheese sandwiches after a trip to his alma mater, St John's University, to pick up several loaves of the famous 'Johnnie bread' from the brothers. Father Isaac brought some cheese from the abbey and a humongous ham was also cooked on the grill. It was a beautiful night and the VOR and I rode our bikes to the bar, both to enjoy the exercise and evening, and also to free me to increase my charitable contributions without fear of police intervention while driving home.

It was a beautiful and rare Friday night at home. Other than a quick trip to Eau Claire to attend the 37th Annual Eau Claire River Float Trip, we will be hanging in the area for this and...gasp....the 4th of July weekend as well. Its the first 4th of July home in recent memory but with events like the one at Grumpy's last night there should be plenty to do. And while it ain't Lake Superior, there are dozens of lakes within a couple miles that are perfectly adequate for tipping a kayak over.

(Sorry about the image quality. I was armed with only a lousy cell phone camera)

More boat lust

One of the highlights of last weekends symposium in Washburn was the presence of Nigel Dennis, expedition paddler and founder of NDK (Nigel Dennis Kayaks). He was in the area to help ChrisG dedicate his new shop in Bayfield, speak on his circumnavigation of South Georgia Island, and lead one of the day tours out to Devil's Island.

Quite a few folks that I know attended the symposium primarily to paddle with Nigel. LoneRangerRob was on Oak Island with us the weekend before and the group split up for a day paddle. Uncharacteristically, he chose the shorter route, explaining he was, "Saving myself for the sprint to Devils and back with Nigel". That group left shortly before we did on that foggy Friday a week ago, and made it to Bear Island before complete lack of visibility made turning back the logical choice. Doug Van Doren, noted Greenland paddler and a guy who can maintain 80 strokes a minute indefinitely, was also on the tour and I noticed that he and Nigel were in the lead when they landed back at Little Sand Bay. I also had the good fortune of having Nigel directly behind me in our little environmental awareness action, the giant 350 made out of kayaks. This formation has yet to appear on the 350.org website, which is a bit of a mystery to me but maybe one of these days.

With all the peripheral stuff going on, I would still have to imagine that the main reason Nigel was there was to promote NDK boats. ChrisG from Boreal Shores had the complete NDK line down on the demo beach. Even though I was safety boating both days, the NDK kayaks beckoned me like the sirens on the rocks of Greek mythology or the three hillbilly sirens in Brother Where Art Thou?. I finally gave in and jumped in a Greenlander Pro which really didn't strike my fancy at all. I'll stick with my Q boat, thank you. ChrisG however, suggested that the Romany Surf might be a fun one for me to try so I jumped in and took it for a spin. Literally. A few different rolls, some braces, tele turns, a bit of edging.........

So if GalwayGuy and I sold the Capella 169, moved a couple things around in the garage, cut a deal with ChrisG, .........NO, I need to put this out of my mind. Its a bad mindset, the idea that I have as many boats as I need but not as many as I want. Still, with the economy needing stimulation, 4 months of paddling left, GG showing up here in a month or so......I guess I better get going, take a shower, and get ready for work. I'm thinking maybe a cold shower today.

Rolling Instruction

The second thing most people ask me when they discover that I kayak is whether or not I can do 'one of them eskimo roll things'. The first thing of course, is 'aren't you afraid you'll tip over and be stuck in the kayak upside down?'. Silbs had an excellent piece yesterday with a spot on comment by Alex on the nature of teaching rolls and how you need to tailor the roll to the body type and age of the wannabe roller.

When people ask if you need to learn to roll to kayak I tell them not really. 'Roll for show, brace for dough' is a comment I've heard often. Many excellent paddlers that I paddle with do not have a reliable roll yet are confident in their boats and have the secondary skills necessary to deal with most situations. I do feel that a bombproof roll adds another level of confidence to ones paddling and besides that, its just plain fun. Just the feeling of hanging upside down in the water for a few seconds conditions a person to be comfortable in the position and also makes you realize that you have a hell of a long time and plenty of air to think, react, and deal with an emergency situation. It drives my sister absolutely nuts if I don't immediately roll up, a fact that insures I rarely immediately roll up when shes around. In one famous incident, recorded on video tape, my nephew, her beloved No1 son, was attempting to learn to roll. I was facilitating the process and spotting from a paddle boat with her hubby, UncleRick, and a couple of cold Leinenkugels. Scott is a former competitive swimmer and spent so much time in the water that whenever he got sick as a kid, the Old Man would claim it was because he was 'waterlogged'. He missed a couple rolls but got his head up for a breath. He would then collect himself under water and try again. My sister however, never saw his head come up as she was on the wrong side of the kayak, watching from a lawn chair on shore. The video shows UncleRick and I drinking beer on the paddle boat, Scott attempting to roll, and this crazed, wiry, incensed little woman running down the hill yellling, "Help him you assholes!".

Assholes indeed. Which brings us to the rolling instruction image above, taken at the Symposium in Washburn. I will admit that sitting on a paddle boat, drinking beer, may not be the best method for teaching rolling but I wonder about sitting on a park bench and having people thrash around on the ground at your feet. It sure looks a lot more comfortable than standing in the water or sitting in your kayak and it was a hell of a lot more fun to watch for we onlookers. This famous blogger and expedition paddler looks to be completely in his element and its hard to tell whether or not that's a beer between him and the water bottle. Comments from veteran rolling instructors on this revolutionary instruction techniqe are solicited.

All kidding aside, I did get some excellent pointers from Derrick on my almost there stick roll and a few more from MikeM, who I will be seeing in Grand Marais, MI next month at the GLSKS. Whether you decide to learn to roll or not isn't really the crucial thing in sea kayaking. In my opinion it's being comfortable both on and under the water since, after all, kayaking is a water sport. The more comfortable a person is with the water, the more confident and self assured paddler they will become.

Raspberry in the fog

On Friday I was the weak link in a stellar chain of guides/bloggers that led 20 symposium participants on a day trip to York and Raspberry Island. The lead guide was BrianC, who had just completed a circumnavigation of Lake Superior with his girlfriend Alissa. SecuriteSharon, who loves to tow people by the way, was in the mix as was JB, our favorite EMT and Irish whisky afficianado. Rounding out the group was none other than Silbs himself, the second busiest guy in Milwaukee (behind JB, of course).

The group met at the relatively balmy 70F symposium site and then moved en masse to a non balmy 50F at the Little Sand Bay launch. Its always amazing what a body of cold water that's larger than the Irish Sea can do to the surrounding climate. Lake Superior creates its own weather and on this day she decided we needed a little fog. Actually a lot of fog. The plan was to hug the coast to Point Detour and then head almost dead north to the York Island spit and from there to the newly renovated Raspberry Island light. JB gave a brief overview of navigation, a course he's given many times (once with me as a student), and off we went. This tour was billed as intermediate level and we seemed to have a wide range of what could be considered intermediate paddlers. We were a bit off course to the west on the way to York since we didn't get quite to the tip of Point Detour; the reason I knew that was because I was cheating and had my gps on, complete with waypoints for almost every island in the park. It became apparent when we reached York that a couple of our 'intermediate' paddlers were really beginners and one had been towed by SS for part of the crossing. We huddled to discuss the problem and Silbs selflessly volunteered to lead these two women back to Little Sand Bay. Despite a bit of seasickness decorating Silb's Romany and some more towing, the trio made LSB with minimal trouble.

Meanwhile, back on York, we were setting our course for Raspberry in fog that had become thicker as the morning went on. There is something scary, exhilarating, intimidating, and majestic about paddling off into a fog bank for the first time, which was the case for many of the folks. Were we to miss York island, Taconite Harbor, MN was a short 45 miles away on the same bearing. Gitchee Gumee was kind enough to provide us with this scenario, along with a lazy swell from the northeast, which contributed to the mix. I switched places with JB and took the lead, with instructions from Brian to keep us at a pace of around 3.5 mph. Brian liked leading from the rear, where he could keep a good eye on everybody and everything. There were not many craft on the water and those that were moved slowly and carefully with one exception: the tour boat Island Princess. We heard her foghorn coming from the direction of Devils Island and correctly surmised that our 22 boat pod and The IP were bound for the same destination, the Raspberry Island light. As the horn got closer and louder I had just turned around to yell to JB on the left flank about putting out a securite call on the radio when SecuriteSharon (guess how I made that name up!) beat us to the punch. A securite call is a radio call on the hailing channel, informing other craft of your position, speed, and bearing. The sound of the horn kept getting closer and SS put out another call and this one was answered by the captain of the Island Princess, who told us he had us on radar. I'd like to see what 22 kayaks looked like on radar, maybe a bunch of logs or maybe 'speed bumps'? For most of the folks the highlight of the tour was when the tour boat came looming out of the fog headed directly toward us. "Stop!". "No, PADDLE". A moment of confusion before it became apparent that the cruise boat would just slide behind us. At about the same time the lighthouse became visible through the fog. One slight complication was a couple of knucklhead kids from a sailboat who were using Channel 16 to let mommy and daddy know where they were but we managed the critical communication and that's the important thing. It was a scenario where a number of elements came together for a short moment and then it was gone.

The rest of the paddle was pretty uneventful with a crossing to Eagle Bay on the mainland (JB back in the lead), a spectacular fog shrouded view of Oak Island, the usual eagle visit, a bit of baby clapotis at Point Detour, and back to Little Sand Bay. Everyone appeared to have a great time and word of the Great Tour Boat Encounter in the fog spread through the symposium. I suspect that a few folks also picked up some navigation techniques (thanks to Brian and JB), radio procedure, and simply the fact that both implements would be damn good things to have when paddling in the fog. Once again the symposium combined learning and fun. It makes me wonder why they couldn't pull off that exacta at Central Junior High when I was a kid but I suspect that my openness to learn at age 14 may have not quite been at the level of our 18 paddlers. Go figure. It was another great day on the water and Gitchee Gumee could not have served up a better mix in my humble opinion.